eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
