so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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