I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am spending my child support on dildos
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
