Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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