Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
