On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
