he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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