he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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