Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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