At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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