I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
