So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
