it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we should paint friendship bongs
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