You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
