Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
