Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
