We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
