Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
