Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
