You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
