and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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