fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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