Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
