just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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