omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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