I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were trust falling into bushes
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
