That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
