i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
