Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
