There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
