Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
