i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
