his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
