I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
