is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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