I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
my liver is dry heaving
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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