She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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