is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
