The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
