goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
