wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
