she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
