I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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