The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
