so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
