____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
