I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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