Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
