Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
