worst night to have a conscience
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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